FAQs

a chapter of Tri Ess

Michelle Thomas Chair, Board of Directors

What causes someone to be a crossdresser?

This is one of the most difficult questions that there is to answer, and for the answer there are only theories. While some researchers believe that social environment may be at cause, today most are looking to genetics (the structure and coding of genes).

“The girl within?”

Perhaps the most plausible reason for crossdressing lies in the theory of the girl within. In it’s simplicity it says that every man has a feminine component to his personality, and every woman has a masculine component to her personality. Our total personality makeup is a combination of both masculine and feminine characteristics. Crossdressing can be looked upon as a tool used by the girl within to bring out and develop the feminine characteristics.

But why crossdressing?

If all men have this girl within them, then why don’t all men crossdress? While all men do have a feminine side, only a small percentage, currently estimated to be about one to three percent of the male population, express this side by crossdressing. When crossdressers are asked why, most say that it relaxes them. Crossdressers when dressed usually try to emanate the female as much as possible. They take on a feminine name, they dress in total feminine garments, In essence they attempt to become a totally different person, one who does not have the problems and worries that their male counterpart has. It can be said that they attempt to develop a feminine personality.

But very few crossdressers live totally en femme, Most spend the majority of their lives in their everyday masculine role. When the crossdresser returns to their normal everyday masculine role, the feminine personality integrates along with their masculine personality to help form a more complete person out of him, one who is more caring and sensitive and considerate of others.

Do crossdressers wish to become women?

Unlike the transsexual the crossdresser does not detest his male body and does not wish to have it surgically altered to that of the female. He is content with his maleness and with his masculinity, but also recognizes he has a feminine component to his life. While the crossdresser does not wish to become a woman, due to his high admiration for the traits of the woman he does wish to become womanlike, discovering and developing the most positive traits of the woman and integrating them into his own life.

Are crossdressers gay?

This is the worst of all myths about crossdressers. Most crossdressers are in fact heterosexual people. In all surveys it has been found that only about 5 percent of them were gay. Most people believe that crossdressers are gay because the gay crossdresser is generally more open than the heterosexual crossdresser. For most people their first encounter with crossdressers will be the impersonator at a gay bar, or the drag queen.

Are there different types of crossdressers?

While with the exception of the transsexual, all men who don feminine clothes can be termed as crossdressers in the general sense, a number of other terms are used today to more closely define crossdressers by their reason for crossdressing.

	Female Impersonator The female impersonator is a person who’s prime reason for crossdressing is employment. They have perfected their crossdressing into a performing art. It is interesting to note that the late James Cagney got his start in show business as a female impersonator.
	Fetish The fetish is a person who is sexually aroused by the wearing of certain articles of feminine clothing. Unlike the average crossdresser, the fetish will not dress completely, and will only dress when they wish sexual arousal. In some cases the true fetish may not even become aroused unless wearing the article of feminine clothes that gives him pleasure.
	Femmiphile This is the most common form of crossdresser. In it’s simplicity, the femmiphile is a person who has a love for what our society considers to be feminine and a very strong desire to associate themselves with the feminine. Femmiphiles have high admiration for the female and wish to emulate them as much as possible.
	Transgenderist Unlike the average crossdresser who will spend most of his time in the masculine role, the transgenderist is a person who lives and works in the crossgendered role full time. Unlike the transsexual, he is content with his male organs and does not plan surgery to remove them.
	Transsexual While often confused with the crossdresser, transsexuals are NOT considered to be crossdressers. Unlike crossdressers who recognize themselves as males with a feminine part to them, the transsexual is a person who is psychologically a member of one sex, and physiologically a member of the opposite sex. Unlike the crossdresser, the transsexual cannot be content unless the physiological body is surgically altered to be congruent with the psychological person who occupies that body. While crossdressing for personality expression is far more common in masculine to feminine form, transsexualism is about equally common in female to male as it is in male to female.

Are there women crossdressers?

Yes, but due to the fact that the woman’s fashion world has adopted every article of male clothing, their numbers are much smaller than the masculine to feminine crossdresser. Most women who wish to express their masculine side may do so by taking on a profession that is consider to be masculine such as a lumberjack or attorney. For them, the easiest way to express their masculine side is through strength or aggression.

Can crossdressing be cured?

While many years ago psychologist did attempt to cure crossdressers, today most have recognized that crossdressing is lifelong and find that better results can be obtained by teaching the crossdresser to accept their feminine side. While most crossdressers can control their urge to crossdress, there is no cure. Crossdressing is lifelong.

Are there dangers?

While crossdressing in itself is not harmful, there is a danger involved when a crossdresser is unable to accept his feminine side. Because society does not socially accept crossdressing in males, many crossdressers have difficulty in coming to terms with their feminine side. This inability to accept themselves has caused many crossdresser to turn to drugs or alcohol, to become violent, and even suicidal. They attempt to shun their feminine side by trying to display manners that they feel are considered by society to be macho and manly.

Is there any way of telling if someone is or will be a crossdresser?

In reality, no. Crossdressers come from every religious, social, and ethnic background and work in almost every profession from doctors and lawyers, to truck drivers and general laborers. Even when crossdressed it is not always easy to tell if a person is a crossdresser as many have perfected their crossdressing to the point that one cannot distinguish them from the genetic female.

What kind of people are crossdressers?

Crossdressers in their quest to gain the positive qualities of the female are generally more caring and sensitive, are more feeling and have a desire and need to share feelings. They participate in many community projects and are more open to the needs of others.

Are most crossdressers married?

To this we can answer a resounding YES. In one survey of crossdressers it was found that about seventy percent of them were in fact married, and about seventy percent of those had children.

What about their wives?

Because crossdressing is socially unacceptable, many crossdressers do not tell their wives about their crossdressing needs. This often results in marital disharmony. Many crossdressers are afraid that the wife will not understand and will leave upon finding out about her husbands feminine desires. Where the wife is aware of her husbands feminine side and has decided to accept and even assist her crossdressing husband in becoming more feminine the marriage has in fact been strengthened. Wives have found their crossdressing husbands more willing to do household chores and to be more loving, sympathetic, and compassionate.

What about children?

While it is very rare for the children of a crossdresser to themselves become crossdressers, many wives who accept their husband crossdressing are fearful that the children will become crossdressers and thus do not allow their husband to crossdress in front of their children. Many crossdressers themselves feel that the knowledge of their crossdressing to be far too much of a burden on the children and simply do not let them know. Where the father has informed his children of his crossdressing, it is generally found that when told during an early age, the children benefit from a father who is more compassionate sympathetic, and involved with them.

What problems do crossdressers face?

Because crossdressing is still somewhat socially unacceptable, most crossdressers experience extreme loneliness and depression. Crossdressing generally starts during an early age, usually between 6 and 13. With no information on the subject the young crossdresser often feels that he is the only person with the desire to crossdress. This often causes much inner turmoil within the young crossdresser and has often caused many to turn to suicide.

Many crossdressers first find out about others through magazines in adult bookstores. Since most of the ads in these magazines are placed by people seeking sex, some crossdressers have experimented with homosexuality in an attempt to meet others like themselves. Crossdressers who have joined organizations like The Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess) find that there is no need for the false sexual relation in order to meet others like themselves. Tri-Ess chapters are totally non-sexual in nature. They are in fact social and support groups that attempt to bring crossdressers together to meet, have fun, and talk about their crossdressing needs and desires. Many wives can be found attending these groups also.

Other problems faced by the crossdresser stem from a society that is hostile and prejudicial toward them. Due to the social prejudice of others, most crossdressers find it necessary to keep their crossdressing desires a secret for fear of losing their jobs, their apartments, their families, and social standings.

While there is an old saying “The other man’s grass is always greener,” crossdressers have in fact found that the grass while perhaps a different shade of green, is just as green on both sides of the fence. Rather than choose sides, the crossdresser has found that he likes both shades of green equally. The crossdresser has in fact grown beyond the point of being an ordinary male and has become a total person.

Myths and Misconceptions

“ALL transvestites are gay.” FALSE.

This is a fear which haunts the “average” transvestite in his early stages of realization and development of his transvestism. But this, like so many of the myths concerning transvestism and the transvestite, is an oversimplification and generalization which is quite popular with law enforcement and judicial, U.S. Customs and Immigration authorities and with the general populace.

Since the Drag Queen and transvestic prostitute are highly visible members of the social picture and dramatized on the evening television news, occasionally in television “dramas” and the print media the “average” transvestite is, naturally tarred with the same brush even though in truth few “average” transvestites are gay or engage in same-sex sex acts. In fact, most transvestites are heterosexual while only a small minority are bi-sexual or exclusively homosexual.

This latter statement is supported by the results of a study done by Dr. Wardell Pomeroy (co-author of the famous “Kensey Reports” and director of the San Francisco based Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality) which found that 68% of crossdressing males are exclusively heterosexual while only 50% of non-crossdressing males are exclusively heterosexual. It should also be pointed out that some gay males are also, incidentally, transvestites but do not crossdress for the purpose of attracting males, either gay or straight for sexual purposes.

“A transvestite is a potential transsexual.” FALSE.

The opinion that transvestites are latent, undeveloped or potential transsexuals, is false. Any other form of ignorance is the result of oversimplification and the failure to make distinctions. It is true both the transvestite and transsexual wear feminine clothing, but they do so for different purposes. While the transvestite often dresses for the physical pleasure of this form of fetishism he always retains or reverts back to and maintains his male gender-identity. It is also true that many transvestites, upon initially bursting forth from their closet assume, because of the lack of information on the subject, they are transsexual. But a true transvestite is quite happy to retain his male gender-role and perform sexually as a male – although he may occasionally fantasize he is the female partner.

Definition and Description of Transvestism
It is of the utmost importance to establish the distinctions between transsexualism and transvestism. Originally, a transsexual (TS) was thought to be a type of transvestite (TV). Outside of the fact both dress in apparel normally reserved for opposite physically gendered individuals, although for different purposes and reasons, and, to a certain point in life, live in constant fear of discovery, they have very little in common.

Strictly speaking the transsexual is not crossdressing when she wears feminine clothing. Rather she crossdresses by wearing masculine clothing to conform with society’s dress code for the physical male.

The bi-gendered or cross-gendered person (both the transsexual and the transvestite) may start, as early in life as perhaps age 5 years wearing items of opposite sex apparel. Often the apparel worn/used, usually lingerie, are items of mother’s or a sister taken either from the laundry or their fresh clothing supply. Occasionally, in early stages, lingerie will be purchased for personal use.

It is not unusual for the transvestite to use items of feminine apparel as sexual gratification aids in the early stages of sexual awakening. This practice may continue into late adulthood. Occasionally an item or type of apparel, such a bra or panties, or garter-belt and hose, etc., may become a fetish item and required to be worn for, or at least close at hand during, completion of the sex act.

Cross-genderists are secretive, because their life-styles are not considered, by non-participants, socially acceptable.

A transvestic male identifies primarily as a male who has and retains male gender-identity. Often the transvestite is married and the father of children. The transvestite seldom, voluntarily, confesses his need to crossdress to his spouse, usually because of the fear of non-acceptance and the resultant rejection, although some women not only accept crossdressing and the associated behavior but seek out males having those needs and traits and actively participate in the “game” – sometimes with each partner reversing roles, not only in social, but in sexual, situations.

Some transvestites profess to be alternately or intermittently bi-gendered, although most of the time they feel and behave like a normal male. A transvestite is satisfied with being a male and generally enjoys the role. It is possible for a transvestite to adopt the female gender-role while retaining his male gender-identity, but that is a rare combination.

Transvestites do not, by definition, want sex reassignment surgery, although a sizable proportion self-diagnose as transsexual when they initially burst forth from “the closet.” Thankfully, saner heads prevail and irreversible reassignment surgery does not occur (one of the logical reasons for the frustrating, to the true transsexual, waiting period and Real Life Test).

A transvestite is, usually, a heterosexual male having a periodic or episodic, sometimes fetishistic, urge to dress in opposite sex clothing. The feminine apparel apparently reinforces the male gender-identity and may intensify male sexual satisfaction. The subconscious mind, apparently, associates dressing in opposite sex apparel with women as sex objects and their own formative male sexual drive; it became imprinted with the same mechanisms which form other fetishes such as the shoe fetish, the panty fetish, the leg fetish, the breast fetish or a fetish for other parts of the female body.

A transvestic fetish is intensified by virtue of the fact that, by actually wearing the fetish items (of feminine apparel) the transvestite is in intimate proximity of, and contact, with the objects. He, often, derives sensual pleasure from the feminine quality of the fabrics; he is reminded of his real sex object (the female body) through the simulation of the outward presence of a woman, and he can take satisfaction in the dissemblance of knowing he is really a man under the feminine finery.

Transvestites are, perhaps, more rejected even more than transsexuals because the transsexual at least attempts to accommodate society by changing to a full-time apparent, and as completely as possible to a, woman while the transvestite switches mode of dress, if not role, back and forth adding confusion to, at least, his visible gender-identity.

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We hope to expand this section to deal with many more questions. If you have a questions regarding crossdressing, transvestism or transsexualism, please contact us and we will do our best to respond as quickly and accurately as possible.